Have you ever realized that so much of our job as educators has nothing to do with the content we teach? Much of it is how we share what we know or about relationships between:
- teachers and students
- teachers and parents
- teachers and other teachers
- teachers and admin
- teachers and other school staff
What you know about your subject won’t be worth much if you can’t share it in a way that’s meaningful to the recipient or if the relationship with the person you are working with is damaged. This wasn’t something I always realized, and certainly isn’t something I’ve mastered, but it is something very important to me that I continually work on.
Others may also be interested in these same areas, and so I wanted to share some of my favorite books on the subject that have really helped me grow.
I’ll begin with perhaps the best known book amongst educators, Carol Dweck’s Mindset. In her book, Professor Dweck defines two mindsets: fixed and growth.
When a person has a completely fixed mindset, then all skills are static. Nothing new can be learned (“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”). Things like musical ability, intelligence, and athleticism are all things you’re born with and they can’t be changed, so why bother.
With a growth mindset, you realize that everyone can get better. For example no one is born knowing how to walk or ride a bike. While being tall, for example, helps you be a better basketball player, it doesn’t mean that everyone including shorter people can’t get better with enough intentional practice.
To make an extreme point, if an educator had a 100% fixed mindset about themselves (“I’ve been teaching this class for 30 years. There’s nothing someone can show me that I don’t already know.”) and a 100% fixed mindset about their students (“The high kids will always get it, the low kids can’t do this anyway, and the kids in the middle will struggle but figure it out.”) then pretty much all attempts to show alternative ways of teaching are futile. This book has helped me and many others develop more of a growth mindset.
I’ll make this very clear: Crucial Conversations is the single most important book I have ever read. Let me explain in more detail. A crucial conversation is defined as a discussion where stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong. Here are a few examples from the book:
- You’re talking with your boss about a possible promotion. She thinks you’re not ready; you think you are.
- You’re in a meeting with four coworkers and you’re trying to pick a new marketing strategy. You’ve got to do something different or your company isn’t going to hit its annual goals.
- You’re in the middle of a casual discussion with your spouse and he or she brings up an “ugly incident” that took place at yesterday’s neighborhood block party. Apparently not only did you flirt with someone at the party, but according to your spouse, “You were practically making out.” You don’t remember flirting. You simply remember being polite and friendly. Your spouse walks off in a huff.
I used to have a very fixed mindset about people’s ability to communicate with one another, Some people just knew how to talk to other people in these situations and some did not. I was definitely someone who did not. My emotions would get the better of me and I would try to argue my point, naively thinking that I could debate my way into having the other person agree with me. Even if I did get the other person to agree with me, I often won the battle but lost the war by having damaged the relationship.
So, when I read this book and specifically this story about Kevin (if reading this doesn’t make you want to be a “Kevin”, then skip this entire section), it blew my mind. I had no idea that these were skills that could be learned and mastered but I was determined to work on my ability to implement them. After all, this had huge potential to help me in all aspects of my life including with my family, friends, and professionally.
It’s been about 7 years since I first read the book, and I have read it another 4 more times. I own three copies of it, not including copies I have bought for others. If this hasn’t convinced you to read it, I’ll share a true story of something that happened to me while I was training all of a large school district’s high school math teachers.
I was talking about some of the wonderful resources available on the #MTBoS (all the math blogs and social media) and said something like, “There are some amazing teachers sharing wonderful resources you can use for free.” As soon as I said that, a teacher stated loudly, “So what you’re saying is that they’re amazing and we’re not?” The room got silent. Everyone held their breath and waited to see what I would do. It instantly became a crucial conversation. If I handled this moment poorly, I would completely lose the room. I had to respond appropriately.
Had I not read the book, I probably would have apologized and said something like, “Sorry, that’s not what I meant.” I understand why I would have said that, but that is the wrong choice. Apologizing makes it sound like I am truly at fault and that I did something wrong. People would think I did offend them and that’s not what happened. Since I had read the book, I had another strategy ready to go: contrasting.
Instead I responded by using one sentence that clarified what I did not mean to say and another to state what I did mean to say. So, it came out something like this, “It wasn’t my intention to say you are not awesome. What I was trying to say is that there are other awesome teachers sharing resources for free.” With those two sentences, everything was over. Problem solved. I didn’t do anything wrong and I didn’t need to apologize. I just needed to clarify my intentions.
I have situations like this happen several times a week and I do not want to think about how challenging my life would be without having these skills to pull from.
If you do presentations for others, then Weekend Language is essential reading. Before I read it, I was pretty confident in my presentation skills. I presented frequently and my presentations were often well received. Andrew Stadel recommended this book to me via JR Ginex-Orinion and when I read it, it opened my mind to so many opportunities to take my presentation skills to the next level. This includes everything from how you prepare to create your presentation to how you decide on what content to include.
If you care about how others perceive you as a presenter, you don’t want to skip reading this book.
Often times when I begin professional development, I make a relatively unusual statement. I talk about how I believe that most professional development is ineffective. I feel that this happens because most trainings focus on what teachers need to do and how they need to do this. This leads attendees to see what they learned as being useful, but now it has to compete with the million other things teachers need to do. It winds up going on top of a heap of other tasks that you hope to get around to eventually.
I believe the missing ingredient in most professional development is talking about why. Why should anyone do what they are learning in PD? Most times the new content gets filed under “This is nice. What I am already doing is also pretty good. I guess I can do either.” I don’t want that. I want them to feel, “Oh my gosh. This is incredibly important. I can’t keep teaching the way I’ve been teaching. I have to do this.” That’s why I focus so greatly on finding reasons why we can’t keep doing things the same way.
That’s where Start with Why comes in handy. Perhaps you’ve seen author Simon Sinek’s wonderful TED talk on the topic. In this book he does a great job of illustrating the power of why. It’s not just about making professional development better. If you want to inspire people or be a great leader, being able to convey why is critical. This book has certainly helped me be a more important and inspiring communicator.
My wonderful boss in Downey Unified School District, John Harris, has taught me so much about leadership and introduced me to these last two books. Team of Teams uses a variety of stories to illustrate the need for teams within the same organization to modify the way they interact with one another. Here’s a brief explanation:
Companies are often organized into departments. For example, school districts will often have departments for curriculum & instruction, special education, technology, maintenance, finance, etc. This is a very efficient model when issues fit solely in one department. For example, if a window is broken, maintenance can handle it with no issues.
However, when an issue is the responsibility of multiple departments (such as how to better support students with disabilities), there are often problems caused by the departments not having structures in place to communicate with each other. This likely isn’t a surprise to anyone, but if you’re sick of it and want to learn about another way that teams could be organized and interact with each other, then this book is for you.
I’m surprised by how often I reference Managing Transitions as part of my job as a teacher specialist for Downey Unified School District. It has quickly become an essential reference any time we try to make changes within our district. Simply put, this book has been the difference between a successful effort to implement a program and one with great intentions that fails spectacularly.
Here’s one example from the book that we discuss all the time. Let’s say you are planning on making a major shift in your school district. Examples might include:
- Changing the start time for all schools
- Implementing a mandatory new common assessment all teachers must use
- Deciding on a math course placement policy for students
- Choosing the integrated or traditional pathway for the Common Core State Standards
I’m guessing that you can envision any one of these issues getting people worked up. Some people might be all for them while others adamantly oppose them. What we learned was that while all of these will be challenging conversations, the process is very likely guaranteed to fail if you cannot answer these four questions sufficiently:
- What is the problem? What is the situation that requires this change to solve it?
- Who says so, and on what evidence?
- What would occur if no one acted to solve this problem?
- What would happen to us if that occurred?
When you can’t answer those questions, people will want to delay the change or skip it entirely. You might be able to define the change, but if people don’t buy in to the reason you have to make the change, it will all fall apart. Without getting into specifics, let’s just say that I have experienced fairly spectacular failures that, in retrospect, should have been obvious because I did not have strong answers to one or more of these questions.
Thanks for checking out this list. Are you already a fan of one or more of these books? Is there a book that you think I need to read so I can add it to this list? Please let me know in the comments.
I agree that Mindset is an important book, but I don’t think one needs to read the whole thing. I found several chapters to be repetitive. With that said, it makes the whole book faster and more impactful to realize the some of the middle chapters creating the argument can be skipped once you are sold on the reason why.
Thank you for the other recommendations. I look forward to a little between semester reading.
Thanks for the feedback Glenn. I don’t remember feeling that way when I read it. I enjoyed seeing how mindset played out in areas like sports (and I didn’t mind the references to UCLA’s John Wooden either!). I can see what you mean though.
Loved Start with Why and Mindset. I’ve heard lots of great things about Crucial Conversations and need to read it. I’ve not heard of Weekend Language or Managing Transitions and they sound like they’d be super helpful. Chip and Dan Heath’s Switch: How to Change When Change is Hard has been so informative in leading change.
Thanks Chris. I loved Switch as well. The metaphor of the elephant and rider following the path resonates with me. When I read Weekend Language, they made many references to Made to Stick, also by the Heath Brothers. So, I read that and then it took me to Switch which I listened to in the car. Thanks!
We are reading Switch right now and I agree, it’s a really good one – especially for those of us in Leadership positions.
Simon Sinek’s, Leaders Eat Last, is a must read. It is the missing piece in many organizations and if we want the best from our colleagues, we must value them. I have shared this book with friends, supervisors, and employees. I have read it three times. It is one of my favorites along with Great By Choice.
That sounds amazing Carla! Just purchased it on Amazon. Truth be told, it’s not hard to convince me to read anything by Simon Sinek and how he looks at the world. I didn’t know about this book, but now I do. Looking forward to devouring it over break.
Hi Carla. Just wanted to follow up with you to tell you that I listened to Leaders Eat Last in January. I really enjoyed it as well. So many profound points made there. Thanks for sharing the recommendation with me.
This list of books is awesome. Thank you for taking the time to put this together along with your big takeaways from each book. I’ve read half of them (all three are some of my favorite books) and you are the second person who has recommended “Crucial Conversations” in the last week. After reading your insights, I immediately ordered it on Amazon. Looking forward to reading it over the break.
To add to the list, I think Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is a must-read whether you are an educator or not. There were two habits that really resonated with me — “Put First Things First” helped me re-examine and prioritize the things I value and important to me, and “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood” really helped me be a better listener, both inside and outside the classroom. There are a lot of commonalities in this book and Simon Sinek’s “Start With Why” also that I think you would enjoy. If you do read it, I would love to hear what you think!
I actually just read it this summer and thought it was great. It definitely had the feel of a book that I could pick up something new every time I read it. The part that resonated most with me, and strangely I’ve talked about it twice in the last week, is Sharpening the Saw. I actually am planning on writing a blog post about it, because it reminds me of professional development and how no one (understandably) wants to leave the classroom for training, but how everyone needs to make time for it. It’s just like the story of the guy sawing down the tree with a dull blade. I came close to putting it on the list, but it just missed my subjective cut.
Out of all the books I’ve read over the years, Mindset has had the greatest impact on me. It’s influenced how I approach parenting, teaching and coaching. I received Weekend Language for Christmas – great read. The authors referenced, Presentation Zen by Garr Reynolds, which I bought nearly 8 years ago but never read. Needless to say, I started, Presentation Zen, the day after I finished, Weekend Language. Both books mention, Pecha-kucha. I’m thinking Pecha-kucha was the inspiration for Ignite? I’ve started but haven’t gotten far with Crucial Conversations. It’s one of those books I know I have to finish but continue to place it at the bottom of my To-Do list. Your post gave me the push I needed to go back to it. Thank you.
Thanks Jennifer. Yes, Crucial Conversations and Mindset were opposites for me in terms of readability. I remember reading Mindset on the treadmill and casually enjoying it. Crucial Conversations requires my full attention and I keep having to re-read sections of it.
Funny you mention Presentation Zen from Weekend Language. I got Made to Stick followed by Switch from the reference in Weekend Language. Probably need to re-read Weekend Language again too.
Yes to the Mess by Frank Barrett, comparing leadership to jazz music, was profound for me about how I think schools might operate to bring out the best gifts of each of their members. I haven’t considered it in relation to classrooms, but now that you ask this question, I need to go back and reread to see how it fits.
Thanks Heidi. I love metaphors so I am very curious about this book. I’ve put it on my reading list. Thanks again.
The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown. This book talks about how people respond to fear, shame, and vulnerability and really helped to understand so much about how we talk with students about risk, failure, and effort matters. It matters in ways that go far beyond grades although it certainly helps you to understand why people. This book is written for anyone really. There were so many times I️ saw myself and former students in the stories. I️ felt as though I️ was much better at understanding learners, families, and myself by the time I️ was done. Amazing book!!
Thanks Kim. I’ve read Daring Greatly but not The Power of Vulnerability. I appreciate the suggestion and will look into it.
Thanks, Robert. I’ve read Mindset and found it transformative in many areas of my life. The Crucial Conversations book sounds like exactly what I need as I’m looking for new ways of engaging in difficult conversations. I just finished Brene Brown’s new book, “Braving the Wilderness,” and the Crucial Conversations book sounds like a good follow up. The audiobook is now next on my wishlist. As a frequent presenter and PowerPoint queen, I just ordered Weekend Language as well. I’ve noticed that you, Andrew, and Dan Meyer (among others) have a very different style of presenting than I do, and I’m eager to know more! Thanks for the tips!
Thanks Karen. I’dd add Braving the Wilderness to my list too.
When I read Weekend Language, it sounded ridiculous. I remember thinking “How can you make a presentation if you don’t begin with the PowerPoint?!” Now I can barely remember how I ever felt that way. It has really helped me and I strongly recommend it.
I recommend Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. There is also a TED Talk. It is important to remember that alongside the benefits of collaboration that reflective, quiet time for processing supports creative and critical thinking. While not written specifically for educators, it is an important reminder for all!
Great recommendation Suhana. I actually listened to that book after going to Mary Bourassa’s Ignite talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvmsHRoXnAs where she shared some insights from the book. I learned that I’m probably not the extrovert I thought I was but more likely more of an outgoing ambivert. It helped me because I never really thought I was exactly an extrovert. It has also helped me to see how the world overvalues extroversion. I really enjoyed it.
Your recommendation of Crucial Conversations pushed it into the must read section for 2017 and so I did. Good stuff and worth going back to read again. David and Goliath by Gladwell was maybe my favorite book from 2017, but Leaders Eat Last was a close second, if not first. I’ll have to check out the 3 of these that I haven’t read in 2018.
Thanks Chris. Yes, I really enjoyed David and Goliath. Gladwell has a way of comfortably showing me that everything I thought I knew was wrong (or at least lacking perspective). I also listened to Leaders Eat Last and thought that was a good follow up to Start With Why. Much appreciated.
I am pretty sure that my Amazon cart is going to be over what I spend on books in one purchase. I think I just added everything but Mindset because I have read it. I am looking forward to reading the others. Thank you for your suggestions. I wish I had a suggestion or two to add, but all of my reads the last two years have been about education. Thank you again!
Thanks Laura. Let me know what you think about them. I really like education books too, but sometimes the non-education books give me a perspective that I didn’t realize I was missing.
Great list. One book that made an impact on my is, Warren Berger’s A More Beautiful Question.
Thank for sharing!
Norma
Thanks Norma. I’ve never heard of that, but I added it to my list.
Barking up the Wrong Tree by Eric Barker is illuminating in so many ways. And even though I noticed Brene Brown has been mentioned for three of her books, her newest — Dare to Lead is I think her most relevant to teaching. She deals beautifully with perfectionism, a trait that many of us in the education world share.
Thanks Robert. I’m not familiar with either of those books but I’ll add them to my reading list.
Hi Robert. Thanks for continually sharing all these excellent resources and ideas!
My school had us read “The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business” this past summer and I would highly recommend it. Though it is business focused in its anecdotes, it is an excellent resource to help teachers better understand many of the cultural differences their students may be coming from.
It was also just a really interesting and easy read.
That sounds just up my alley. It’s in my Amazon cart now! Thanks.
Robert, have you read any of the Jon Gordon books? The Energy Bus is a great book and a short read. I had many hard conversations with myself.
No I have not. Also in my shopping cart. Thanks!
I really loved Outliers by Malcom Gladwell & The Talent Code by Daniel Coyle. They are both about how hard work & the right kind of practice can make you successful.
Outliers is my favorite Gladwell book! I’m actually going to blog about it in the coming months. I’ll check out The Talent Code.
Thanks for the awesome list , Robert! I know what to read during summer. Thanks for taking time to brief about each book .
My pleasure. Glad you’re enjoying it. I just re-read Crucial Conversations. Such a game changer.
Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss! His premise is that hostage negotiation can teach us to be better negotiators. However, I found that many of the techniques are helpful when dealing with challenging behavior in the classroom. Highly recommended!
I haven’t read his book but I actually took his class on Masterclass and it was amazing. It literally saved me thousands of dollars. I can imagine it’d work great for classroom management too.
For me it is THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE. I don’t think there has been a better book on personal excellence. Covey takes through the steps to go from independence to interdependence.
I love that book too, John. Here are three blog posts I’ve written where I reference it:
https://robertkaplinsky.com/read-teachers-school-burnt/
https://robertkaplinsky.com/how-might-what-we-think-affect-how-we-act/
https://robertkaplinsky.com/sharpening-the-saw/
I have read the first three. I would recommend them. Although I think Mindset is almost mandatory for educators
Hello Robert! I truly love this list! Thank You! I have read a few but will continue with the others! (Love Mindsets…)…for organizational purposes in a work environment, that could translate to working with peers at school, I also recommend reading “Creativity Inc”, by Ed Catmull (looks at the Pixar mindset of team building and working with others…..). Jeanne
Thanks Jeanne. I’ll add Creativity Inc to my wishlist.